somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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