Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
