he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
