the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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