I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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