I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
