I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
