oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
