My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
