my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
