You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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