Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
