And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
