any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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