i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
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Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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