I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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