i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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