Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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