just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
