i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and she was petting her beer can
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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