And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
