So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
