i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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