Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
