3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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