i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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