if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
