Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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