he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
