If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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