3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
