terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
