I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
