Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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