Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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