He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
