I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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