Umm I'm too high to move.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
