i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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