Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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