Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
