There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
