I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
