laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
