Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
