he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish there were birth control emojis
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
