hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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