hell yes lets make some ravioli
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
