I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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