Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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