i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
