I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
