there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
