made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
