I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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