I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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