I'm jealous of your bromance
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
