We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're too hungover to prance.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
