It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
